well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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