I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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