I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
