I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
