Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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