He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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