I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
