I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
