There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
