I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
