I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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