Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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