During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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