he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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