I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
