she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
