U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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