he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
