I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize