you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
