she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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