decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
