you would pick up someone in the library
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
