If that was your dad, he is hot
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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