I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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