Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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