I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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