i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize