Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
