Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
love makes seman taste better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize