im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
