I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
