My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found the puke drawer
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's rum buckets o'clock
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
