Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
