seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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