the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
