Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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