We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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