Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
