meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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