You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
