.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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