I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
