You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
