did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
