I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize