Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
