I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is Oprah even human
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
