fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
