we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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