i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
