he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
