And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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