god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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