This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
