I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
