Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
