turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
