loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to stop coming to work sober
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
