Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
