He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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