also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
