nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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