look no pants
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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