i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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