youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
