Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
