this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
