All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
