I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
