I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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