My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize