I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize