you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
