i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
