i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i drank out of a bidet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
