my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
