Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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