Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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