I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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