seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
