Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
