Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm at about main and main street
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
