I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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