he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
