I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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