when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
