There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wear drunk well.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
