my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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