We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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