He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i believe in u and ur pee
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
