I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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