remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
