porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
