my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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